Bloodwork

On May 3rd, my mom and I were headed back to my oncologist for my first follow-up appointment since I finished chemo at the first of April.  I was actually nice to be back at that office and see the people that I had grown to love!  My oncologist said that everything looked good and that I had healed well from my surgery back in January. He then had blood drawn to check on my tumor markers...AFP and hCG.  He said that it would take several days to get the results of this blood work.  I hate that my mom drove all the way from Knoxville to hear..."It's going to take a few days to know anything."

That following Monday, May 6th, then oncologist's office called to say that my tumor markers looked just fine.  My hCG was 2.5 mIU/mL and my AFP was 5.5 ng/mL, both of which are within normal limits.  They aren't zero...but that's a lot better than where they were.  Praise the Lord!  I have to admit that I wasn't overwhelmed with relief with this phone call.  Everyone that I told seemed to be pretty excited and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't. I think it's because I knew that it was okay.  I actually fully trusted the Lord with the outcome of my treatment and life.  I didn't fret over the results of the blood work over the weekend at all, really.  So I guess I wasn't surprised with the result.  Don't let my lack of excitement make you think that I'm not incredibly thankful with the outcome of my treatment.  I cannot believe that this valley is over for now.  The Lord has truly delivered me from this place.  He has proven himself faithful.  I am so thankful for His love and mercy.

So needless to say, this past week has been a whirlwind emotionally.  I can't even begin to explain how many different emotions that I have experienced...but I'm going to try and give you a short synopsis.

I feel unworthy.  For whatever reason, He love me and US.  Why?  I cannot believe or comprehend His great love for us.  I know that I never measure up.  I know it is purely because He is good and showers us with forgiveness and mercy.  I feel forever in debt for His gift of life, my life eternal and my health on earth.  I am having a hard time fathoming why He has given me such a good result.  We found my cancer early on (which most are not), blessed me with INCREDIBLE healthcare in my opinion, and my treatment worked without a hitch.  That's hard to swallow knowing that many other cancer patients do not have the same outcomes.  I know that He has a plan for us all and that my has just involved moving past this.  I will do my best to be sensitive to those who are handling this disease.  I will make efforts to advocate for those unable to do so.  I will not waste the life He has given me. 

I feel responsible.  I feel since my life is restored that I am responsible to use this experience as a tool for His kingdom.  Not many people have the opportunity to be given a tool as obvious as a cancer diagnosis to strengthen their testimony.  I always complained that I was too much of a sinner or that I didn't know enough foundational truth about the Bible and the Lord to make any difference or to be used for His good.  Well, He definitely heard this complain and although He knew that He would equip me if I were willing, He gave me an obvious tool.  Thank you Lord for spelling that one out for me!

Lastly, I feel incredible blessed and thankful.  We are to be thankful always.  He blesses us in so many ways everyday.  He blessed me during this trial, even when life was tough.  He never left my side.  He created us for His glory and our life was laid out before our creation.  This whole experience has taught me that my life is not my own.  It is truly a gift from the Lord.  I am so thankful for each day He gives us.  This life is not about our jobs, homes, cars, clothes, hobbies, pets, etc. that we constantly consume ourselves with.  Our whole existence is for Him.  He gives all we have and He can take any of it away.  It's all His and for Him and He is so worthy for all of US. Thank you for this journey Lord!

I have a lot more circulating through my head but I don't have time to write anymore.  I pray that each of you will allow the Lord to be ruler of your life.  He is your creator and desires to be near your heart.

I'm cancer free!  Woo-hoo! 

Until next time....