This week is drastically different from last in terms of the way I feel and my energy level. By the end of last week and into the weekend, I was just about at a breaking point. Thankfully, I got a break this week. I thought I'd do my best and describe how chemo has made me feel for the past few weeks. Know that my experience with chemo will not be the same as someone else's.
Week One: I was scared. This whole week was a first for everything and with that, there was quite a bit of fear. I think the majority of my suffering in this week was related to anxiety. I spent most of the week sitting in a hospital-grade recliner hooked up to an IV. I was at chemo for at least 6 hours a day during the week and started to get pretty bored by the end of the week. For those of you who know me, I rarely sit down with my job. As a pediatric physical therapist, I spend most of my day running, jumping, skipping, chasing children, and rolling around in the floor. So as nice as a recliner seems at the end of long day, it's not so nice after 6 hours at one time. By the end of the week, I was in desperate need of a deep tissue massage and thoracic mobilizations. Other than back pain, I felt pretty groggy due to all of the medicines that I have been given to reduce chemo side effects and to prevent allergic reactions. By the end of each day, I had received more variety in medications than I had previously taken in the past year. I'd have to say though, I wasn't feeling horrible. If I had to give my main physical complaint, I think I would have to say indigestion/nausea. Then lack of appetite and fatigue. I really do not like being tired after trying to do something as simple as getting ready in the morning.
Weekend One: I thought the weekend was going to be a nice break after going to chemo everyday for 5 days straight. Jason and I had a rough weekend. I was feeling quite a bit worse that I had been during the week. I was pretty nauseated and had indigestion most of Saturday. I was quite weak and fatigued and feeling pretty sorry for myself. Eight more week of feeling like this, seriously!!?? Sunday did not bring much relief until early afternoon. I wasn't really able to get going until about lunchtime each day and typically started feeling better throughout the afternoon. Sunday was much better. I was able to get outside and enjoy the weather and walk around a little with Jason and Allie. I think I may have even ran in the yard for about 30 seconds before getting tired...HAHA. Hard to believe after I just ran for 5 hours in November. Thankfully, the weekend has been the worst I have felt.
Week Two: So this week has been completely different than last week. I have had increased energy and have not been in a fog. I have a pretty good appetite, have not been nauseated, and have not had any heartburn. I have had a sore throat this week and some headaches but that is pretty much it. Oh, and a rash. Let me tell you about that! After Bleomycin this past Monday, my shoulders began to itch a little bit. It went away after Monday and I did not think much about it. On Tuesday, while I was driving to the oncologist to get my Neulasta shot, I decided to open the sunroof in my car and enjoy the sunshine. By the time I got to the doctor, my shoulders were burning and I was quite uncomfortable. Apparently, I was having a chemo-induced skin reaction and I got sunburned! Sunburned in February, in overcast, 40 degree weather! This morning, I was already peeling! Looks like my skin will not see the sun for sometime!
So that is where when have been and where we are physically. It's hard telling where I will be tomorrow. That is something that I have definitely learned about chemo, things change. Things change quickly. I am planning on blogging about the roller coaster of emotions since this chemo stuff started next so get ready for that one!
I can't write about all of this without realizing that this medicine is making me better. This medicine is saving my life. When I want to feel sorry for myself, which unfortunately can happen often, I have to remember that. Also, this will only last for the next 7 weeks. I can do this. This medicine will give me the best chance to live a nice, long, healthy life. I have that in the balance, I just have to get through the next 7 weeks!
I also can't write about all my complaint without praising God for how much that I have been spared from! I did not think chemo would be this hard, but I did not think it would be this easy either. From reading all of the side effects, I think I am doing quite well. I hope and pray that this will continue. Hey, if I wasn't about to lose my hair, you may not be able to tell I was getting chemo. Let's hope that stays the same!
If you are reading this and you pray, please pray for me. Please pray for me and my family as we continue this journey. Pray that I tolerate this medication without difficulty and give my treatment team wisdom for my care. I have not made it this far without prayer. I cannot do this without prayer and without the strength of The Lord. I have failed myself so many time over the past week and have lost faith but He is sufficient. He is all I need.
See you all soon!
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