Taking Control

Well....the past few days have been quite adventure filled for me. Monday I had chemo camp where I received Bleomycin only. My good friend Mandy took me and stayed for the whole experience (yay Mandy)! Anyone else that would like to experience chemo just let me know...I'm always needing a ride! :) After chemo, my mom and I went to a class that The American Cancer Society does called, "Look Good, Feel Better" ( I think I have mentioned this before). It's a class that goes over skin and nail care, as well as, teaching you pointers on how to alter your make-up to disguise the lovely effects of chemotherapy....dark circles, dry skin, loss of eyebrows and lashes, and blemishes/skin discoloration. This class was extremely helpful and I got to keep an extremely large amount of make-up all donated from the major cosmetic brands! So cool. Not to mention all of the incredible people I had the opportunity to meet that are dealing with the cancer diagnosis. There were actually two women there really close to my age. It was extremely inspiring to see strength and courage in all of these women. It was even better to see The Lord glorified in the lives of women living with cancer.

When I went to get my wig from The American Cancer Society right after my surgery, before chemo even started, they signed me up for this class. At the time, we had no idea what my chemo schedule would look like or anything. Amazingly, and only by the hands of The Lord, would this class also fall on the same day that I began significantly losing my hair. Not only did He bring me to the class, but His light was shining in several of the women there, who filled me with strength and encouragement. One women in particular had just lost her hair and gave me her story about her fear in losing her hair and was quite honest in how hard it was to shave her head. But with a smile on her face, her story was full of grace and healing. She definitely encouraged me to take the plunge and take control of this part of my story. I freely give Christ control of my life, but Satan will not control the emotions surrounding my hair loss. I was not going to let it fall out in clumps and hold onto the fear of waking up with hair on my pillow. I was going to let it go, and let God show me mercy.

So when I got home, I waited for Jason to get there knowing that it had to go! Mom had pulled out of the driveway after dropping me off at home and turned around and came back. She just couldn't miss the opportunity to see her daughter bald headed! (Apparently I was bald until I was 2, 3, 4, or when I started kindergarten...the story keeps changing). Jason got home and it didn't take five minutes until they sat me in the bathtub and got out the scissors and razor. Jason had full intentions of "playing" with various hairstyles before the final shave. I had a mullet and a Mohawk before it was over with. Jason had even bought a razor off of Amazon just for the occasion...he was really enjoying himself. I was kind of worried about my poor husband having to do this. As a woman and a wife, you want to be beautiful for your husband. Even if I looked hideous, he didn't show it. He was incredibly supportive and I thank him for making me feel beautiful. Mom was there to document the occasion. I am thankful for her presence as well because I know she loves me anyway. It was not that bad. A lot less scary than I had imagined and it was liberating. I was free of that fear. I imagine if I gave Jesus more of my worry and burden that this is how that feels. Free.

So my poor head looks awful....partly because of all the bald spots that I already have and partly due to user error (it was Jason's first head shaving experience). I am so relieved to have this step over its though. I'm actually excited for all of my hair to fall out because right now I look like I have the mange. :)

I have a ton of pictures that document this occasion but I will chose a few to post. Be ready, my head will knock your socks off. Hello world, I am bald and ready to face cancer looking like a soldier. A little less than 7 weeks to go in this first part of my journey, God use this time for your good!