Blessings

For those of you reading this, bear with me. I have never blogged about anything, nor do I ever really journal about my thoughts. I feel kind of odd writing about myself and my struggles in a blog...I feel kind of self-centered. If I come across the least bit boastful, please call me out. That is not my intent...it's really quite the opposite. This blog is to educate others about this rare cancer and to document His work through this trial. I also apologize for my typos and poor grammar. I know I switch tenses and misspell words frequently (and to think I was in AP English). :)

Now that the stage is set and each of you kind of know what going on, I can talk about the reality of this thing and all of the emotions attached to it. For those of you fighting this disease, my emotions are my own and you may or may have the same experience.

I can't write about anything until I talk about how blessed I am through this trial already. Most things have changed now. I can't boldly say that the grass is greener, life is more precious, and that I treat every day as it were my last. But my view of this life is definitely skewed in a more positive direction. When I became a Christian in middle school, I somewhat grasped the concept of giving my life to Jesus. I lost my life to gain eternal life with my Savior. I get that now. I have had a hard few days with the realization that I don't think I ever fully turned over control to Him (I don't think many of us truly have). I have now and am blessed with His truth. My life is His. This life is for Him. Why do I want to control and/or change something that He has already blessed with His goodness/grace/mercy? So in that, I abandon my life for His good. I will walk through this valley for His promise, knowing that He has gone before me. Jason and I had a Bebo Norman song played at out wedding called, "The Hammer Holds". This song is so appropriate to my life now. Here is a link to the lyrics: http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/bebo-norman/the-hammer-holds.html.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it." Matthew 16:25

Secondly, as crazy as it sounds I am thankful to have been chosen for this journey. Now this idea wavers in my mind periodically but I truly feel chosen to bear this. I don't know why He chose me, but He did. I am blessed to be here: broken, weak, terrified, and unraveled. He is here with me. I can't think of a time in my life where I haven't been transformed while in this place. There is beauty in the ashes. He is the light in the darkness. He is strong when I am weak. I know He is doing something great, whether it's in my life or in someone else's. I am just thankful to be a part of the process. I have said it a few times already, this will be worth it (I'm just not sure what "it" is).

"This is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

Lastly, I had no idea how important people were! Jason and I did not realize what a circle of friends/family we have that really love us. We didn't grow up in the area that we live and we haven't been back to our hometowns that often. In saying that, I guess I feel like a nomad that doesn't really have a strong connection with many people. But did He prove differently. We have experienced an outpouring of love, prayers, and support over the past week or so that is amazing! I cannot thank each one of those people enough for the words of encouragement, presence, ears to listen, or silent prayers to Jesus. We feel the prayers. People are really such an incredible blessing that I have taken for granted. The DVR, Pinterest, or baking have nothing on the power of fellowship. And I thank Him for that blessing.

"If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose." Philippians 2:1-2

I've attached some pictures of the "things" that I have received over the past week. I don't have a great love for things and am not trying to show off my "get well soon" collection. :) But I do want to say thank you to all of those who expressed their love in that way....hopefully everyone made the cut!

Thanks for reading!