Long Overdue

Hi everyone! I hope all of you are having a great Saturday! I want to begin this blog by apologizing for being non-existent over the past week or so. I don't know why I haven't wanted to write...it's not like I don't have the time and I actually have the energy. I feel like I haven't had anything really important to say. With that thought, I realize that I have placed way too much pressure on my own words. This blog isn't intended to be about me or for me in any way (other than a source of therapy), it is for Him. It is to make Him known through this trial, which I have the opportunity to do at every moment in this. So, I am sorry for "wasting my cancer". I have let this time pass by without using it. I keep praying for the next seven weeks to pass but that does nothing if I just sit idly by. Everyday we are called to follow Him, to patiently wait. I don't think God has intended for us to sit and wait and do nothing. We should be actively waiting for his goodness, not feeling sorry for ourselves and our troubles.

Jason and I have friends that are very dear to us that have recently moved to Kenya to join the mission field. We have to opportunity to communicate with this via e-mail, Facebook, etc, occasionally since they left and they definitely been more of a source of encouragement to us than we have been to them since they left. Our friend, Aaron, had written Jason an e-mail when they found out about my diagnosis. One resource that Aaron had mentioned for us to use is "Don't Waste Your Cancer" by John Piper. This is an online resource that anyone can access and read and I highly recommend it. I read this article pretty early on and it has been an incredible resource for my mind and heart. It goes through ten ways you can waste your cancer and not use your pain for His good. Because this article has meant so much to me, I thought I would spend some time sharing it with you guys. Thank you Jones family. You continue to effect the spiritual lives of Jason and I all the way from Kenya! We love and miss you.

Each of the next few paragraphs are my thoughts after reading "Don't Waste Your Cancer" by John Piper. I won't talk about each of his points specifically and I am doing my best to not recreate his ideas. This is really just my heart's response to his words.

Basically, this ovarian cancer diagnosis was chosen for me specifically. This obstacle was placed in this particular point in my life long before I existed. My Maker allowed it. He chose THIS to refine my heart and soul, to make me more like His image. Cancer is not the enemy, Satan is. Satan attempts to destroy my spirit through this trial. Satan attempts to poison my heart and bring me down. My God can use this cancer as a gift for me and for those effected by this disease.

It does nothing for me to dwell over my odds of survival or to know every bit of information regarding ovarian cancer. Don't get me wrong, it is quite important to know what you are fighting by the world's standards. However, God is the ultimate Physician, capable of miracles and healing, not explained my medicine or science. My heart, soul, and mind should be focused on His promises and His plan in this. My efforts should be placed on that active patience that I mentioned earlier and trusting His plan for my future. My odds are determined by The Lord and not scientific studies. He makes the call.

Cancer is humbling. It places the length of your life into focus. At 29, you do not think about your mortality. To be quite honest, the thought of death and eternity is slightly overwhelming. I can't wait to meet Jesus and spend eternity with Him, but being human, eternity is not something I can fathom. I am also a child of consistency and I do not like change. I have only know life in earth so anything else is a little daunting. I have had to face this. I think the bottom line is that I trust Him. If I trust Him here, I will trust Him in the transition outta here. I am thankful that I was forced here. I will no longer waste this life.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." -James 4:14

"An unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates

Sometimes I also feel that the victory is in beating cancer. Unfortunately, I have pitied those that have died from this disease because they lost the fight. Victory isn't being healed from this disease. The victory is bringing The Lord glory. The victory is resting in Him and his goodness. He is the prize of a fight well fought. Whether you sit at his feet or continue this life at the end of the battle, we win when He is made known and we are transformed into his likeness.

So there you have it. I have learned a ton about life, cancer, myself, and His love for me and for all of us through this article. I hope you guys take the time to read through it as well or give it to someone you may know that is effected by this disease. Cancer is not the enemy. Cancer is the tool that will be used to refine us, mold us, and change us for His glory. Life will never be the same. Life will have more meaning, more value, and more promise. Life will be gift is was always meant to be.

I leave you with a monster underneath the bed... :)