For the love of the run

Hi everyone! Things are going pretty good around here. Just trying to make it through week number five without any complications! I have had a little bit of trouble recuperating from my last long chemo week. I have just been somewhat puny and tired but if that's all I have to complain about, I'll take it anyway! Tomorrow is my last Neupogen shot for the week and I get my blood work done as well. Hopefully all of my blood counts look good again!

Other than feeling kinda yucky, I am so bored. I cannot even begin to describe just how bored I am starting to get! I don't have a ton of energy so I can't conquer things like cleaning the whole house in one swoop, yard work, shopping, or even baking (can you believe it?). So unfortunately, you are quite limited to what you can do. I spend most of my days getting ready, reading, watching tv, doing a load of laundry, and little chores around the house. Allie and I occasionally make it to out to the booming metropolis of Bluff City to walk around or to recycle. One those days that it's nice enough to hit the pavement with Allie, it hits me. I MISS running. I desperately miss it. My mind, body, and soul yearn for it. Especially now.

Running became a huge part of my life a few years ago. I have always been an athlete and ran as a part of training for a lot of the sports I participated in but never really enjoyed it. After college and all of the organized sports dwindled, I had to find something to do to stay in shape. I am not a gym rat and would just rather be outside. I started running some distance before I got married to reduce stress (sorry Jason, but getting married is quite stressful) and it helped. It also really helped me fit in my wedding dress! After that though, I lost it again and got busy with PT school and adapting to being a wife and full time student. But like any love, it came back and I'm so glad it did.

In 2012, my parents started the long road to divorce and it took me for a loop. My life had been easy up until then. I couldn't really complain about much and had no reason to really be mad at the world. Now, life wasn't fair. I had a hard time accepting this reality for quite some time and didn't have an outlet. I found myself in a pathetic place really. I was cold, disinterested, and bitter. I knew the promises of God but I was just mad. Anger and hurt can really poison your heart! Then I ran.

I ran to run away from my situation. I ran when my mom was upset. I ran when I was upset. I spent countless hours on the pavement in the bitter cold and in the raging heat running with tears in my eyes. I had downloaded so many songs on my iPod about God's love and plan, overcoming troubles, etc that I could run another marathon without repeating one of them! Running provided me with time to myself and for myself. Gradually, my pain subsided and my heart began to heal. Not only was I beginning to gain substantial distance, but my soul was also benefitting! My runs were filled with contemplating relationships, reliving my day and how it could have gone better, prayer for friends and family, worshipping the Lord, and purging negative thoughts. Running left me strong, capable, and courageous. And this is how my marriage to my running shoes began! It was a symbiotic relationship full of ups and downs, give and take, and the dream to go further tomorrow.

So from the spring of 2010 until December 2012, I ran at least 5 days a week. I ran anywhere from 2-3 miles to 26.2 at one go. I ran in the rain, snow, wind, heat, with Allie, in the dark, before you got out of bed, with friends, alone, being chased by animals, and on many different roads. I ran for people who couldn't- those too scared to try, those too old to try, and for all of my kids at work that could only dream of running. Each time I ran, I got to know Kelly. I learned of her fears, dreams, set backs, failures, strength, and her heart. I miss her. I miss spending time allowing God to reveal her to me.

I know that this trial is much like my marathon. And I will again say that it was by no coincidence that I was able to accomplish that goal before being faced with cancer. He is a great God. I can clearly see how He has used running to prepare me for this. It has taught me my potential. It helped me know my body to catch this early. It made a strong fighter, knowing she is capable of the unthinkable. It has given me life in so many ways. Thank you God for your gift of running.

Don't get me wrong. Running is no walk in the park. Training for a marathon is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Before fighting cancer, I had never been so taxed or pushed to my limit. I had to drag myself out of bed at 5 am on Saturday mornings to go run up to 20 miles (thank you to Susan, my faithful running partner). There were times you didn't want to continue or couldn't continue. Times when you counted down the miles or the steps. "One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other." I felt like my legs were not my own so many times, probably because they were numb or electrolyte deprived! But through all of that pain, I finished each time. I finished disappointed that I could have done better and sometimes too tired to care. But in the end, it is worth it. All of that pain and suffering, early mornings, late evenings, contemplating quitting, pushing on, and not giving up were worth to finish line. I can't even begin to explain the finish line. That's a whole new blog post. :)

I know they say runners are crazy. I get that. I don't expect many of you to understand, but those that do, go run! I'lI catch up real soon!

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1